I would do anything to get this message to you in a way that I know you will understand. Thinking and feeling are two very different things, and as much as I know you think it, you are not feeling what needs to be felt here, and I am hurt by the fact that you are giving so much of yourself to something that will never give back. To something you will find unfulfilling and non reciprocal. All the time and energy you devote, and what do you get in return? I am uncertain.
But I am not judging you. I am urging you to do something I know you cannot do at this point. I only say these things because I have lived exactly what you are living and it is, really, not worth it. When I watch someone give so much of themselves, so many wonderful things, their shine, their hopefulness, their unconditional acceptance and understanding and care…and received utter indifference in return, it makes me fear that you will lose your sunny disposition toward the world. What you are is beautiful and I never want to let it be chipped away, worn away, quashed because it was not returned. You told me that the opposite of love is not hate, it is apathy. It is true. I have been on both side of this. One day when you wake up and realize that when you think of this person, you will feel nothing and not care that you don’t feel anything, that is the day I fear, because I am afraid that by that time, your beauty and your hope, love, optimism, courage, everything that makes you a wonderful person, will have been tainted and poisoned by mistrust and cynicism.
Don’t lose what you worked so hard to build. I have woken up apathetic and I did not lose my optimism. Some things aren’t worth it, in the end, but your outlook is. When this brings you to where I was, I will find you wherever you are and I will get you through the night. And the next day, we can work on the future and leave the situation in the past. We will find the lesson to be learned and we will continue on as we always have. I will not let you do this any other way, I will not let you become what they are.
Take this to heart so that you will know that I am here when the time comes.
